E_Giani

Mono e mono?

Sun, 13 Jan 2008 15:27:00 GMT

Been fighting something the last few days. Just recently wondered if it was mono. I thought it was my normal coughing fits I usually get this time of year but I've been sleeping a ton lately and I am exhausted when I am awake. Also dealing with hot and cold flashes, I'm either one extreme or the other. Blah :(

Been playing World of Warcraft a lot lately. Having fun in the GLBT guild on my druid. I wish I could play on my paladin but I played her before I came out about being trans online and I know that if I do come out to all the friends I made with her then all the group fun will be gone. Just playing her in an trans unfriendly place around people that would dump me the moment they knew the real me just doesn't motivate me much to play on her.

Wot wot!

Fri, 21 Dec 2007 04:25:12 GMT

Well I tried my first tofu hot dog today and I didn't much care for it. Microwaved it so that might be it. Going to boil one next time and give it a try. There is the potential for me to like it, I didn't gag outright or anything :P Maybe it is the brand or maybe I am just trying to find problems with it. I don't know.

I have gained 26+ pounds lately due to multiple reasons and its bugging the shit out of me. All the diet food I was eating either got discontinued or out of stock lately and it has really killed my weight. Blah.

I got back into Warcraft because I wanted to heal. Joined the big GLBT guild and got a druid to level 36 and now I am struggling with why I even care. It is just constant grind and then the stress of healing on top of it. I have so many games on my to do list that I need to get through as well.

My transition is on hold for the moment because we have no spending money at all. There is stuff in motion that could get me something though and hopefully it works out.

If anyone missed it the first time my new song is located here http://www.crackerboxpalace.com/DivineHealing.zip
I would really like some feedback on it sometime.

That is basically my month wrapped in a nutshell. Joy. :V

My ears are bleeding!

Fri, 16 Nov 2007 00:50:00 GMT

So I finally got back into making songs. :D

My first one is coming along pretty well so far :V It is a Zelda inspired arrangement. If anyone wants it when I finish they are welcome to it. :)

I'll update everyone on the progress for it :)

Fri, 02 Nov 2007 16:55:46 GMT

Well I have been struggling with the idea for awhile now but I think it is about time I try and go full out with it. I am going to try and be a Vegetarian. I'm just sick of the whole meat thing and feeling like something had to die so I could eat.

This will be difficult to pull off since basically everything I eat is meat. Not to mention having wacked out taste buds that has made trying new stuff difficult. I also hate cooking :V When I am hungry I want food NOW not 30-40 minutes after cooking it so I'll need to change or find good quick Vegetarian meals. I'll be slowing trying to find new things to eat and getting the meat out of my diet.

Go me. :V

MEDIC!

Sun, 28 Oct 2007 00:57:06 GMT

Holy crap. I finally got Team Fortress 2 and I had forgotten how fun online FPS team games are. Best game purchase in years :V The fact that I got four amazing single player FPS games included helps.

I was originally kind of weary about getting it because I didn't want to deal with the community and it's bigoted/sexist behavior but then I just finally slapped myself and realized I didn't HAVE to have an extremely female ingame profile. I went gender neutral and turned off voice chat and it is a blast :)

Yay....

Tue, 25 Sep 2007 02:25:04 GMT

Hormones = denied.

Megan = Not surprised.

Touche Life.

*sigh*

Mon, 24 Sep 2007 02:07:21 GMT

Going in to see my hormone therapist tomorrow. Due to a mix up with the fax I won't be getting the hormones for a few days so blah to that. This will be the first time using my female voice with someone in person so that should be odd and interesting.

My Anxiety Anxiety is kicking up already. Should be fine once I am actually talking with her though.

She sent me a little thing to fill out with a "In the last year, have you had..." section and I almost want to put a check under pregnancies just for fun. :V The face she would give me after seeing it would be priceless. :V

Mon, 17 Sep 2007 17:17:05 GMT

My brain is now bombarding me with happy fun touchy-feely songs. I think it is sick of my depressed emo bullshit :V

In yet again other news the blood work was canceled due to a mess up with the fax machine number. Thanks mom for having shitty handwriting :V

Mon, 17 Sep 2007 14:14:49 GMT

Robert Jordan is dead. My favorite writer. I have all eleven Wheel of Time books in hardcover and I have read them all three times now.

Excuse me while I turn this into all about me (it is what I do best :V)

This is reminding me a lot of my childhood. Back when I felt that everything I touch is destroyed. Everything I love is killed.

Having my biological family broken up because of me, a long line of dead pets, my father dead. Growing up just feeling like they were all my fault. Even to this day it still effects me, I don't tell someone I love them unless I absolutely mean it. The word became this serious thing that I didn't just hand out to anyone. Fear that it ruins things and hurts people.

Growing up I always knew Robert Jordan was going to die right before the series ended.... because I loved it.

I have since grown up and gotten over such thoughts, it is just hard not remembering them right now.

In other news going in for the blood work today. One week till hormones.

The Holding Pen... OF PAIN!!

Tue, 11 Sep 2007 23:10:02 GMT

So I helped someone move yesterday in desert heat. My body hurts everywhere....

Made like $70 out of it at least.

The blood work stuff is being faxed out today and then I will be going in for it sometime in the next 7 days. Still doesn't seem real that it is happening.

I have been falling asleep at like 6pm for the last four nights it seems. Better then 6am but a little TOO early for me. Sorry Van, I know you must really miss my bitching. :V

I have really wanted to play a MMORPG as a healer lately. I want to be a healer in a group setting and I have no money and hate all the good MMORPGs.... :V Also I hate the stress of healing pick up groups full of idiots... *sigh* Why must I desire such things?

I need to force myself to get moving in Xenosaga. It is just so hard to pick up and play with the cutscenes every 2 minutes. That is something you need to like plan in advance to play.

Blah.

Thu, 06 Sep 2007 22:52:57 GMT

Blah. I have been going completely aggro on my fingernails in the last 24 hours... Probably nerves about the hormones. I had been doing so good about them too :(

I think it might be my old fears of the hormones making me a completely different person popping up again. I would like to think of myself as a strong and emotionally independent person. I am a fighter and a survivor. I just worry that the drop of aggression might weaken me in some way and change who I am. It won't stop me from getting the hormones, they are just too important to not get for me. I just wonder what price I will pay for them.

Wed, 05 Sep 2007 23:03:54 GMT

Well it is official. I will be starting hormones on the 24th. :D

Bye bye sex drive (please god yes), body hair (yes please :V), and desire to kill everyone (hopefully not too much). Hello breasts, ass and smooth skin :V Also a more open and free emotional expression then having it bunched up unless I am PMSing.

Having my mother pay for the appointment is definitely not what I wanted but it was time to admit to myself that I can't do this on my own and to accept help from where I can so I can get moving forward. So glad that I have such a supportive family. I just hope that someday I can use my position of strength in order to help others who weren't so lucky.

I will most likely be using my female voice for the entire meeting so that I can be more open with everything. Should be interesting :V Especially if my mother is there for any part of it >_>

Fri, 15 Jun 2007 07:07:50 GMT

Ok seriously..... FUCK... THE....DESERT........

Why did we have to move out here.....

I am sitting here in my room at midnight and it is almost 90 degrees in the house. I have five high powered fans blowing on me and I am still hot as hell. Not to mention I cant DO anything on my computer since the temps on that are pushing the danger limits.

Where the fuck is this mystical "Ohhhh desert nights are FREEZING! :O" shit I always hear....

It doesn't help that we are too broke to use the air conditioning....

Tomorrow looks like it will be even hotter :V

I have to get the hell out of here >_<

Mon, 11 Jun 2007 18:47:52 GMT

*Megan quietly relaxes on her couch listening to music*

*suddenly bolts upright and slowly turns her head to the computer*

Holy CRAP! PEOPLE CAN SEE MY LIVEJOURNAL NOW!!! *DIVE BOMBS BEHIND THE COUCH*

Ok think Megan think...... have to say something hilarious......

*pops back up nude* IT'S NAKED TIME!! :O .......... well what the hell did you expect? You just can't pop in at a moments notice and get amazing material here....

Soooo yeah..... Welcome new friends to Camera di Megan. I am Megan and I will be your host for the evening. Please keep all limbs inside the bus at all times, secure your belongings and know that in emergencies your computer might possibly be used as a crude floatation device. Your guess is as good as mine on how you might achieve those results.

As you MIGHT have noticed I have a rather eccentric personality. War wounds you might say after my battles with INSANITY! :O Just a note that I generally try and watch what I say but everyone being a unique snowflake I might say something that offends someone. Just know that I mean nothing bad behind it and it was most likely my failed attempt at being deliciously comical. For instance if your offended by the concept of baby eating then well we are going to have problems right here. *crosses arms and pouts*

If you look to the right of the bus you can see my IM programs in my profile. Note that only friends can see them because I don't want any Tom, Dick and Jane being able to message me. Cause those three are FUCKERS! :O Note that if any of your names are Tom, Dick or Jane I am talking about the OTHER one..... yeah you know the ones... THOSE assholes.... So yeah message me anytime if you want.

Also as you can see I curse a lot.... because it makes me feel so sophisticated. :D

So I think that about covers the first layer of the onion that is Megan.... don't hesitate to ask me questions since I so love answering them. OHHHH the stories I have to tell :D

This press conference is OVER. *walks away still nude*

ZOMG

Mon, 14 May 2007 02:03:47 GMT

"I doubt I would ever use livejournal" I am so non conformist that I will not conform to even MYSELF! :O Anyway this is my first entry here and perhaps my last because I am like the wind. Also since no one will ever read this I can basically say whatever the hell I want.

My name is Megan and I am a transsexual "hello Megan..." I am just starting out with transitioning and I will be going all the way. Just need the money really. Donations in the thousands of dollars area are accepted. Perhaps eventually I will detail my epic life filled with pirates and ninjas and time travel but since this is my first entry I must say Fuck That Shitboat.

So I got on voice chat with my friend Van last night and it was the very first time I talked to someone using my feminine voice. He said I sounded cute and good which obviously means that he is insane or deaf....possibly both. It is ok Van.... you can admit it.... We are here to help you... not to judge.... >_>

Most of my life I have been dealing with massive anxiety issues and it is weird finding out that I do not have them any longer. I get nervous leading up to the actual events but I once I am doing them I just feel fine. I get freaked out about having to go in public but it doesn't effect me any longer once I am out there. Same with the voice chat last night. It took like ten minutes to work up the courage to talk but once I actually got started it was fine. It felt AWKWARD sure and I was mentally flinching at every voice mess up but I wasn't that nervous really. I would like to think anyone would feel awkward talking to someone that you have never met for the first time using a voice that you are not used to using.

My mom is out of town for the weekend so I have the house to myself which means dancing about the place and freaking out the animals with strange noises. CORRECTION! Dancing about the place NAKED! :O or not.... not like any of you imaginary readers will ever know if my naked dancing antics are true or not. Which they aren't not really truthy true. Maybe.

Well I think that can wrap up one entry. Perhaps I shall make another one in a year or so. I AM QUEEN OF THE TEASE! :O